The boy is yet to stir, and as I lay here looking at the ceiling, I am grateful for this slight reprieve. Crazy as it sounds, 5:45 is just about as good as it gets with a baby in the house…. anything after 6 feels like I’ve won the Lotto!
To say that I am tired just doesn’t do it justice, but I know that there are worse kinds of exhaustion and so I appreciate the silence, before it all kicks off.
It is unbelievable to think about, but this time last year, I was 38 weeks pregnant, and desperately wondering if I would ever sleep again!
My second pregnancy was problematic to say the least. I suffered through a pretty severe case of pelvic instability and by the end of the third trimester, most forms of mobility had abandoned me.
So, what do you do, when movement is your enemy?
Most people would kick back and enjoy the enforced stillness, but unfortunately for me, sitting and laying had also become extreme sports. Add to that, my unending desire to live on the toilet and you are left with a pretty miserable human being.
I was averaging about 2 hours of broken sleep a night and by the end, I was a shell of my former self – a swollen, drained, hungry and whiney shell.
By the time I got to the actual labour, I was running on empty, yet somehow, I found another gear. I pushed myself through, because that is what we do – women really are quite amazing creatures!
The build-up to meeting the human you harboured for so long, is intense. I remember being so scared. What if he wasn’t as healthy as he should be? What if I had messed it all up? What if?! What if?! What if?!
When Archer finally burst his way into this world of wonder, I was overcome. Overcome with relief and love. The sea of exhaustion I had been drowning in, had receded – taking all of my ‘what ifs’ with it.
The only moment sweeter than holding my son in my arms for the first time, was being reunited with my daughter moments later. Willow had waited so patiently to meet her little brother and she was not disappointed.
In the year that has followed, my love has known no bounds.
Archer has been such a wonderful addition to our universe, it is hard to remember what life looked like before him.
He is a joyful, snuggly, drooling ball of awesomeness.
He is clever and fearless - sweet and rambunctious - lively and hungry… ALL THE TIME!
He and his sister adore each other so much and I am so bloody lucky to have them both.
I feel completely disconnected from the disaster zone that was my pregnancy. I know that it happened and I know that I never want to go through anything like that again, but it feels as though that part of my life has been stored neatly into a box and marked ‘DO NOT OPEN.’
I am happy to comply.
Having 2 children is such an epic adventure and like with all adventures, there are highs and lows. The chaos is undeniable and I would pay money for a bit of peace and quiet, but the love immediately negates any possible downside.
There are no words for the affection I have in my heart. It fills me up to the tips of my fingers and toes, and spills out – usually in the form of happy tears. I must look like a bloody Kleenex ad, or a Hallmark card – the soppy mama, all full of gooey love.
Gooey love is what keeps me going.
When the boy decides that 4:45 is a more reasonable wake up time, I need all the gooey love that I can muster.