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Hiding in the Toilet.....Surviving Motherhood

I don’t often spend much time behind closed doors. As most mamas will tell you, privacy is a luxury we're simply not afforded.

At first, doors are left open to accommodate little bubbas, who must not be left unattended. Then doors are shoved open by toddlers with abandonment issues.

As the years go by, ‘Alone time’ becomes a fantasy. Showers turn into group activities, because apparently, mama needs company ALWAYS!

About 12 months ago, my then 6-year-old, discovered that sometimes, when mama is on the toilet, a little privacy would be nice. She wasn’t thrilled with this new information, but she graciously agreed to allow my door to close.

At first, the closed door would simply equate to my girl sitting on the other side of said door, inquiring as to when I would be done. Obviously, this arrangement was a difficult adjustment for all involved.

Recently, I have taken to asking my eldest to hang with my youngest, so I can go to the toilet in peace. I sit on my throne and I ponder what my life has become…

There is a certain indignity associated with hiding in the toilet. My reason for visiting the toilet is completely legitimate, but my reason for staying has absolutely nothing to do with my bladder.

I sometimes sit there for 5 to 7 minutes, just enjoying the serenity of it all, knowing that as soon as I flush, I must return to the never-ending cycle of demand.

I adore my kids.

I love them with all that I am.

And it’s bloody exhausting!

Life is particularly hectic at the moment, due to school holidays. I’m well into week 2 and I’m starting to feel a little mental. I long for a bit of quiet time, but my beautiful daughter doesn’t believe in comfortable silences. She is the Queen of ‘All Talk’ – quite similar to ‘Small Talk’, but without the pesky pausing for breath.

So, I drink and I drink, ready to flee to the toilet at a moment’s notice.

I know it sounds ridiculous, and I guess in some ways it is, but when children are your only companions from sunrise to sunset, an escape pod is imperative.

Another safe-haven is my walk-in robe - the perfect locale for snacking without fear of inquisition. Many a chocolate bar has been consumed, whilst tucked between 2 dresses – dresses that will cease to fit, should these secret binges continue!

I find comfort in the knowledge that I am not the first mama to hide from her children, nor will I be the last. Motherhood is the toughest gig in town, and the only job without regular breaks, or penalty rates. I take my wage in snuggles and though it is a lovely currency, it doesn’t cover the mortgage.

I know that eventually, I will long for these days. The future will be filled with surly teenagers and closed doors - doors that I will be standing on the opposite side of.

I'll be the one initiating ‘All Talk’, as Karma claims its pound of flesh.

Despite my impending date with destiny, the here and now requires my immediate attention. No amount of foresight will keep me from seeking refuge every once and awhile.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to flush the toilet… I think I’ve been in here long enough.



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